That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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