He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my shit smells like andre
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
