just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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