uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
