Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
