Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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