At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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