Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize