maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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