I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
