we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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