a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
