Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
