I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
