so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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