Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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