my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I checked into jail on foursquare
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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