If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize