That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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