The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
