My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
