How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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