He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
