Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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