Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
