3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
