Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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