I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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