I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
