Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
