Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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