He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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