how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
