oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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