and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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