He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
