Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
