You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
