Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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