you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
