Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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