Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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