I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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