Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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