This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
