I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
