Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
