hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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