who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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