so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
