you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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