So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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