he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
