Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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