I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
