Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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