Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize