Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
