And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
