by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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