Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
