dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
