he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
