where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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