SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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