You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
