I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
