ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
im on a boat
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