She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
