Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
